Tomorrow is September. You are going to be a September baby - born in Spring, my absolute favourite month. The days start to get longer, the warmth starts to creep in - the whole world begins to bloom. Whereever we drive I am pointing out blossoms to your mama.. my favourite are the light pink ones.. mama likes the white ones. I am truly excited that you will be born in my favourite season. Every year we will celebrate in the new spring warmth, as we head out of the cold of winter, as everything bursts into life and we sow the seeds for our summer veges. Is it time to tell you about me? What would I say? I can't wait until you join our family.... I'm on high alert now that you are 5 days overdue... my level of excitement and sleeplessness is reaching new highs! I bite my nails, and can barely concentrate at work. This is my second last day - I am taking 5 weeks off to be with you and your mama when you come into the world. You'll be here this week most likely... we all wonder what you look like. Your sisters have been drawing you pictures and writing you cards... "Dear blobby, I wonder what your name will be?" It's still a secret.. well your Teta Fabe and Gabby know what your name is, but only the four of us are in on it. And your middle name is still up in the air - although I'm fairly confident I know what your mama will pick.
If I could do anything in the world I would grow plants... I think I may still do that when I get older... I always wanted to be a country girl - to live on a farm, to have chickens and a house cow, a big orchard and a vege garden... bake scones and make jams and pickles... wear aprons everywhere and send the children out into the paddock to play... I should have been born in the 50's in a country town.... of course if I had it would have never appealed to me. So I met your mama and we fell in love - she is the love of my life - and we decided to have our very own suburban farm. We want to live as sustainable a life as we can. So I now have my chickens, and vege gardens, and we're on the way to having an orchard... Soon we'll have our own water tanks to keep the garden growing by harvesting that valuable resource from the roof... we swap our eggs and veges with friends and family... and there is nothing in the world that gives me greater pleasure. At work I sit in front of a computer all day... and I dream of the soft grass under my bare feet and digging new holes for seeds, and what I need to get started for spring... the things I want to teach you all involve these skills. Knowing the essence of food - how it grows, where it comes from, how delicious it can be... how to nurture and protect the earth, how to work with it instead of destroy it. PJ and Gram - my mum and Dad taught me these things...
Are you ready to meet us yet my precious little blossom? It's nice and warm out here - come and play!
I have a sling to carry you around in - your mama has carried you so well for 9 whole months, it must be my turn now, I'd say she could do with a break... although I know it will break her heart not to have you inside her anymore... you two are such good buddies already...
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Hibernation
I’m not quite sure who I should tell you about now. I guess it’s getting so close to the time when you’ll be here with us that I really should introduce the main characters in this little production we call a family! I don’t know that it’s needed though – I mean I started this here to tell you about all the people who would be a part of your life so that one day when we looked back you could see who was around when you were born. What was going on and what was important to us. That it might be interesting to look back one day – but mostly, and more importantly so that I could talk to you. I suppose that was the main purpose. I’ve not been here before…. Not been in this role. I am expecting the birth of my first son, the third child in our family – but I am not carrying him inside me. That’s a different spot for me to be in you see, and so in an attempt to connect with you – to do something on a regular basis that might start our bonding process I started this journal. You’ve met my dad PJ and Andy… Fabe and Gab… there’s so many other people in our life it feels a bit overwhelming…. Maybe that’s why I feel so stuck. I feel overwhelmed by our family in its entirety. There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the week to see everyone we are supposed to. All these people that love and adore you already – and who want to see us – and I feel myself turning inward and wanting to just hibernate and wait it out, protect and prepare ourselves for your arrival… some kind of maternal instinct is kicking in and I want to conserve energy and fluff the nest… Perhaps that’s the thing. My urge to turn into a recluse and just stay home with your mama and our girls – not call anyone, not see anyone – it’s a preparation for you. Making sure we are strong and well and prepared. This is my role.
What do I want to tell you before you get here? What do I want you to know?
You probably already are tuned to the flux of our lives. The chaos of our week with the girls, and the calm of our week alone. “Mama week” your mama calls it… the weeks that we are in our house without the girls – just the mamas by themselves. I’m sure already that you have noticed the noise level, the busy-ness and the rush when they are around.. the house feels full – of people, of life, of energy. These are the weeks that rush past – when we close our eyes at night we sleep more deeply, and for less hours. The washing basket fills up at an alarming pace. Everything is coloured with crayons – laughter, tears, playtime. There is routine…. Morning, afternoon and evenings pass in similar fashion. Dinner, stories, teeth, songs and bed….. breakfast, teeth, uniforms, hairs and school….. we sing songs to you, you kick during the stories… you sleep when the girls sleep. You are part of our daily life already. You know these movements, you walk through these hours with us. You have started your own routines. 10pm you wake up and play… You will help define our weeks soon. Mama weeks pass slower – we sleep more, and spend less time in our house – it’s quieter, obviously, so we escape more often in search of the fullness, and laughter that seems to be missing.
Your mama makes me laugh. She makes me laugh in so many ways. There’s silly laughs, and pun laughs, there’s how embarrassment laughing, and total utter belly laughs. She laughs at me laughing… she tickles, and has learnt how to wrestle… I think the most common thing I say to her – apart from I love you – is you’re funny… because she is. She tells funny stories – she makes my eyes crinkle up and tears come out. We have such fun together. And I mean like good old fashioned “boy wasn’t that fun” kind of fun. We are still going out on dates – lunch dates, dinner dates, movie dates… we used to go to the drive in all the time till they pulled it down. She drives me to work when she can because she says she misses me too much once I leave for work… we are undeniably disgustingly in love. We are in love with each other and we are in love with our family… we spend a good deal of time talking about how wonderful our family is. And we always knew we’d want it to be bigger – always. From almost the moment we fell in love you were pending in our lives. We danced so close and your mama said “I want to have babies with you” and I smiled and held her and we knew you would by with us – one day. And that one day is almost here…. And there’s so much more to tell you….
What do I want to tell you before you get here? What do I want you to know?
You probably already are tuned to the flux of our lives. The chaos of our week with the girls, and the calm of our week alone. “Mama week” your mama calls it… the weeks that we are in our house without the girls – just the mamas by themselves. I’m sure already that you have noticed the noise level, the busy-ness and the rush when they are around.. the house feels full – of people, of life, of energy. These are the weeks that rush past – when we close our eyes at night we sleep more deeply, and for less hours. The washing basket fills up at an alarming pace. Everything is coloured with crayons – laughter, tears, playtime. There is routine…. Morning, afternoon and evenings pass in similar fashion. Dinner, stories, teeth, songs and bed….. breakfast, teeth, uniforms, hairs and school….. we sing songs to you, you kick during the stories… you sleep when the girls sleep. You are part of our daily life already. You know these movements, you walk through these hours with us. You have started your own routines. 10pm you wake up and play… You will help define our weeks soon. Mama weeks pass slower – we sleep more, and spend less time in our house – it’s quieter, obviously, so we escape more often in search of the fullness, and laughter that seems to be missing.
Your mama makes me laugh. She makes me laugh in so many ways. There’s silly laughs, and pun laughs, there’s how embarrassment laughing, and total utter belly laughs. She laughs at me laughing… she tickles, and has learnt how to wrestle… I think the most common thing I say to her – apart from I love you – is you’re funny… because she is. She tells funny stories – she makes my eyes crinkle up and tears come out. We have such fun together. And I mean like good old fashioned “boy wasn’t that fun” kind of fun. We are still going out on dates – lunch dates, dinner dates, movie dates… we used to go to the drive in all the time till they pulled it down. She drives me to work when she can because she says she misses me too much once I leave for work… we are undeniably disgustingly in love. We are in love with each other and we are in love with our family… we spend a good deal of time talking about how wonderful our family is. And we always knew we’d want it to be bigger – always. From almost the moment we fell in love you were pending in our lives. We danced so close and your mama said “I want to have babies with you” and I smiled and held her and we knew you would by with us – one day. And that one day is almost here…. And there’s so much more to tell you….
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